Open-Source Mascots I Would Beat in a Fight

Okay. So here is the deal, let's say that I am in a hand-to-hand fight with an open-source mascot, could I beat them up or would they destroy me?

Here are the rules: This is hand-to-hand, so even if the character is seen with some item on them, they are not allowed to use it, second, this list is only meant to say how well or poorly I would do in a fight and no way represents how I feel about a certain project. Please think of this list as only a joke, if you are a lead dev and you get offended that I put your character on here, I am willing to sort it out further by offering to fight you, yes you, in a one-on-one match as a way of getting revenge.

Green means that I win the match, yellow means that there are no winners, and red means that I will lose.

Okay, but for real, this is only meant to be a silly list and I thank everyone on this page for submitting their work so it is open-source. I myself benefit from open projects on the day-to-day, using apps like VLC, XFCE, Linux, and Firefox - I'm sure without them, I would be quite lost.

Oh! Also fellow Neocities person, Owls, made own page on reviewing Linux distros by how well their logos would work as weapons, so check that ouuuut.

Again, this list is only here as a bit of fun and does not reflect my opinion of the projects themselves at all.

Ai (藍) of Misskey

Result: Cass, what is this list?

Misskey, as its website says, «is an open source, decentralized social media platform that's free forever!» - oh my. This project seems to be aiming to be like the Twitter of the Fediverse. Misskey seems to be a bit like Mastodon, but with more added to it, for example, people can react to posts with emojis. Mastodon will interpret this as favourites while Pleroma will show Unicode reactions and ignore the rest.

You can also write messages in a Markdown-variant, something that the Join the Fediverse Wiki says has added support for special effects like bouncing text and sparkles. DeepL Translator (DeepL) can also be used, but the admin will need to configure it as a way to translate posts.

Okay, now that's out of the way, let's talk about why I'm going to beat up an innocent catgirl.

See, just look at her, she has nothing on her, she's weak and I bet that's thanks to her being on a computer all day writing code and watching anime, while I spend all of my days, yes, on the computer coding - but, I look at Fur Affinity, so hopefully, you can see why I would win this fight... yeah...

Going to be honest when I say this, there's really not all that much I can say here - she's just some anime girl.

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BSD Daemon of BSD

Result: I'm doing the Lord's work

The BSD Daemon, also known as Beastie, is the generic mascot of BSD operating systems, they are named after software daemons. The BSD Daemon is not fully open-source as you need to get permission from Marshall Kirk McKusick on using the devil, but seeing that he is so near open-source, he's on this list (and also people would bug me to have him here).

Look at this guy. He's soft. He's weak. He's losing. I'm winning.

«But Cass, he has a pitchfork, can you see?» Oh, I know about that, but remember, this is hand-to-hand combat, and even if he was able to use his pitchfork, he'd still lose to me, what is he, like 91CM tall? Yeah, he is going straight back to Hell.

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Result: Thank God for the NHS

Starting in 2009, Dragora GNU is an independent GNU/Linux-Libre distribution that has been «based on concepts of simplicit». It was made for

I feel like there are so many ways that I can say «Wow, this thing is going to kill me», but wow, this thing is going to kill me, easy. I feel like there's no point in even calling me an ambulance as I would be ripped apart in seconds, making the scean look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

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Flaxy O'Hare of Friendica

Result: I'd do it

Friendica is, to quote the Join the Fediverse Wiki, «a social network and one of the Fediverse's replacements for Facebook.», «Friendica combines a lot of the functionality from Facebook & Twitter. You can tag users and groups, send direct messages, use and follow hashtags, create photo albums & events, like, dislike and comment on posts & re-share posts».

Okay. Please just look at this little thing. They are what, a toy? I'm a grown ass-adult, I can take on this creature easy. Look, this guy just looks weak. He's weak. I'm... well, look, I'm on a computer all day, but this guy is a bunny,,, so,... yeah.

Oh, I don't know, I guess I could like, like you know, rip off their ears. Hm. I'm starting to feel bad for this page, sorry, devs.

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Florence of Mastodon

Result: This is what I get for making this list

Mastodon is the open-source project for making your own self-hosted social networking services that other people can connect to.

This is what I get. This is what I get for making this list. Well, look. Florence is a mastodon. Do you really think that anyone could fist-fight a mastodon? Yeah. No.

What is this list?

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Freedoom Guy of Freedoom

Result: I'm dead

Note: I have actually contributed to this project, so there might be some bias.

Freedoom is the name of a stand-alone game based on the Doom engine. All material in the project is released under a modified BSD license - the game is legit very fun to play.

Look, I'll be honest here - if Freedoom Guy, or as the community call him «Karl», wanted me dead, that's it for me, like, this guy, this mother can punch out a demon with their bare fists, it's the end for me. No contest - it's goodnight Vienna for myself.

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Kiki the Cyber Squirrel of Krita

Result: Unsure

Krita is a free and open-source art program that has been used by artists since 2005. It can be ran on Windows, macOS, Linux, Android, and Chrome OS.

See, I'm unsure if I could take on Kiki, I'll be honest, she looks like she is holding back some serious power and could beat me up with her tail also, or not, I'm not sure, she might be easy to take on and I could kick her furry ass - so in the end, I am unsure about this.

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Kiwi of JoinFediverseWiki

Result: I hate this list. But I could do it.

The Join the Fediverse Wiki is the name of a wiki that was made as a way to aid people who might not know how to use the Fediverse all that well. The owl mascot that you see below was made by David Revoy, who also made Pepper&Carrot.

Okay, so I first saw this post on my timeline an hour or so after it was made and I found the owl to be very cute, but look. This bird is not going to fly back home tonight. Do you really think that they could take me? Yeah. It's not going to be nice at all, this is going to be too easy for me.

NOW LOOK. I don't want to do this at all, but if someone were to pay me, you know... money is money... soooo...

*Cass reads back what they wrote*

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Mozilla Phoenix

Result: I'm dead

Firefox is the name of a web browser made by Mozilla, being worked on since 2002, it can run on macOS, Windows, Linux, and so much more. At the start of the life for the project, it was called Phoenix and had, no suprise, a phoenix as its mascot.

Let me ask you this, could you beat a phoenix? Like, it's a... it's a firebird, you know, made out of fire. If anyone tied to fight a firebird, then they would get hurt and hurt bad. Look, if you think that you can take on this mother, be my gest, but it won't look nice and I know that I would be dead in seconds.

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Penny The Cat of Neocities

Result: Let's call it even?

Neocities is the name of a free webhost where you are free to make your own website.

I'll be honest, cats kind of scare me, I feel like whenever I pet them, they are seconds away from scratching me - dogs? Sure, I'm fine with dogs, but cats? Little bastards.

So, what would this mean? It would mean that if I were to fight Penny, then it would freak me out as I would be scared of being skratched to death, so I guess I would be unsure if I were to even fight Penny The Cat.

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Pleroma-tan of Pleroma

Result: I'd do it, but I would be crying

Pleroma is the name of the free social networking service that anyone is able to use, get this, for free.

I'll be honest. I could take on Pleroma-tan, would I enjoy it? No, but if I had to, then I'm going to beat up an innocent foxgirl.

Look, I'll be real here, she's a very cute mascot and I always have been a sucker for anthro characters. But I would be able to beat her up. Yeah.

What is this list?

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Puppy Linux

Result: Sure.

I like the idea of Puppy Linux a lot as rather than just chucking away some old laptop or computer that you may have, you can simply just install this lightweight distro on it, something that is much better than running the current OS on it, as there might be a sucurity rick.

You know in Of Mice and Men when Lennie, uh, spolier, is found with the puppy in the barn that he killed? Well look, do you really think it's that hard to kill a puppy? I could do it! Yeah, and this little guy is justa small dog, I'm a fully-gown woman in her prime, this dog is going to doggy Heaven!


I don't think I want to carry on writing...

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The Restless of LibreQuake

Result: I'm turning into a human smoothie

Note: I have actually contributed to this project, so there might be some bias.

Despite being mostly a Doom player since 2015 or so, I know that Quake is a lot of fun... like a lot, so it's cool to know that there is currently a project with the aim of using the source code for the game and making an open-source campaign, introducing: LibreQuake.

I'm sure I'll try my very best, but let's all be real here for a moment. If I'm - or hell, anyone for that matter - tries to take on The Restless, they are not going to have a chance at all in trying to win a fight with this guy - and guess what? If I do get killed, that's okay, why? Because it means that I will no longer be able to make this terrible, just terrible list.

Image credit: Concept art given to me by the dev of the project, license under BSD3 - thank you

Rose of Mobilizon

Result: I'd do it, but I would be crying

Mobilizon, as made by the French not-for-profit Framasoft, is «a tool that helps you find, create and organize events», to quote the website. It is used as an «ethical alternative to Facebook events, groups and pages» without things such as having no likes, or followers, and will give you control back to you. It also has the benafit of being federated.

This seems to be quite a good idea that I can get behind, and I suspect that if I was going to be a part of a group, this might be a good option to use.

So, storytime: The other day, a really cute hit me up online and was like «Cass, I really enjoyed our date the other day, I think I want you to be my girlfriend, can we go out tonight??». Anyway, they broke up with me after I told them about this page. Oh well. But you know what? I feel like that gave me the sheer rage to take on this small little animal that was put on this Earth, not to do wrong, but to spread the good word of open-source.

Rose did not return home to her family.

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Sepia of PeerTube and Sepia Search

Result: I'm going to get strangled, huh?

Being an open-source and decentralized video service, PeerTube was made, according to its website was made as a way to «take back control of your videos» - think of it as like an open version of YouTube where anyone can have their own video website, it's kind of like the Mastodon of video websites. Oh wait, I get it, «PeerTube» like peer-too-peer!

Sepia Search, as the name suggests, is a search engine that was made by Framasoft, the same company that also made PeerTube. It can search hundreds of Peertube instances for a video or channel that you want to find.

Unless you're Homer Simpson, you're not going to get yourself in a fight with an octopus, sorry to say. Look, dude, Sepia has four tentacles that they can use to strangle me, they may look cute, but come on, they would get me in a matter of seconds.

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Tux of Linux

Result: I'm killing this MF

Tux is the defacto mascot for Linux, being first shown off in 1996, he was chosen by Linus Torvalds, the person who made Linux, to be the official brand character of the Linux kernel - The penguin was designed by Larry Ewing with an initial suggestion by Alan Cox

This is no joke when I write these words, but I hate Tux, I hate the way that they look, I hate how smug they are, I just... God... I would beat the living daylights out of this stupid penguin. Even if he was somehow stronger than me, I would overpower them with my pure anger anyway. Tux is dead.

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Whales of Funkwhale

Result: Depends on where the battle is

I like the idea of Funkwhale a lot as it is meant to be a replacement for websites like those of Spotify, Bandcamp, and Soundcloud.

With Funkwhale, you can upload your own audio and even host your own instance of the app. One thing that I did not like about the project is seemly, there is no RSS button that you can follow an account with, unlike something like PeerTube or Mastodon, but despite this, Funkwhale is a project that I will hope does well.

Okay, now that's over with, let's talk about killing their mascot!

So, this is a bit of a hard one for me, first off, let's ignore that there are three whales here and pretend that there is only one (not like it matters all that much), second, I am unsure who would win as, well, whales live in the sea and can't live on the land, unlike me. So. If this battle were to happen on land, I would win as I could just wait for the poor thing to slowly die, if it happened in the sea, the whale would win cuz they could just eat me. Either way, the real winner is Capitalism and how we are all a slave to it - yeah, that's right, social commentary, bet ya didn't expect to see it on this page, now did ya, kid?

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Xenia of Linux

Result: I'm getting bitten

Xenia was made in the late 1990s as an alternative Linux mascot over Tux. She was made by Al Mackey; an article about the history of Xenia can be found here.

Could I beat up Xenia? Could Cass beat up someone that they have made so much fanart of? I don't know, and that's the issue. on one hand, we are talking about silly «what ifs», but also, it is Xenia and she is a darling.

Okay, let's just call it a draw as I'm sure that if I try and mess with her, she would get super pissed and bite me.

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Xue of Xfce

Result: I'm going to stomp on this poor creature

Xfce is a free and open-source desktop environment that is made for Linux and other Unix-like operating systems. It is meant to be fast and lightweight while still being able to have visually appealing and easy to use tools.

As Xue is just a mouse, I feel like our fight will be easy as all I really need to do is just step on her, but let's face it, I feel like that would be a dull fight, I think I will give her a better chance - she might even bite me a little, but at the end of the day, she's still going to get squeezed.

This page is going to bite me in the butt one day and that was terrible.

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Copyright 2021 - by Cass «Owly» Python, licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 3.0. Please see humans.txt for full credit and thanks.